Being cool ...

... isn't always easy. It's a bit more than having a great hair stylist, Armani jeans and a polyglot accent. Really intimidating people aren't that easily impressed. Like ... it's gotta come from inside:

1. Don't sweat the small stuff and, in my experience it's mostly small stuff. You'll gain a lot of loving, funny and creative energy.
2. Try not to be an ass, but when you are, quickly admit it, apologise and make restitution. You'll gain a lot of loving, funny and creative energy.
3. Keep your eyes and ears open for selfish and stupid actions that need to be stopped at the start. It helps to keep your mouth shut. You'll gain a lot of loving, funny and creative energy
4. If you have the misfortune to encounter not just the stupid, selfish and arrogant but the truly malicious, you'll have a lot of loving, funny and creative energy to deal with them. Forgiveness may not be an option, Allah may have to do that.

Too late for me ...

... but it might benefit others. Here's a really useful checklist from The New York Times :

Questions Couples Should Ask (Or Wish They Had) Before Marrying

Published: December 17, 2006

Relationship experts report that too many couples fail to ask each other critical questions before marrying. Here are a few key ones that couples should consider asking:

1) Have we discussed whether or not to have children, and if the answer is yes, who is going to be the primary care giver?

2) Do we have a clear idea of each other's financial obligations and goals, and do our ideas about spending and saving mesh?

3) Have we discussed our expectations for how the household will be maintained, and are we in agreement on who will manage the chores?

4) Have we fully disclosed our health histories, both physical and mental?

5) Is my partner affectionate to the degree that I expect?

6) Can we comfortably and openly discuss our sexual needs, preferences and fears?

7) Will there be a television in the bedroom?

8) Do we truly listen to each other and fairly consider one another's ideas and complaints?

9) Have we reached a clear understanding of each other's spiritual beliefs and needs, and have we discussed when and how our children will be exposed to religious/moral education?

10) Do we like and respect each other's friends?

11) Do we value and respect each other's parents, and is either of us concerned about whether the parents will interfere with the relationship?

12) What does my family do that annoys you?

13) Are there some things that you and I are NOT prepared to give up in the marriage?

14) If one of us were to be offered a career opportunity in a location far from the other's family, are we prepared to move?

15) Does each of us feel fully confident in the other's commitment to the marriage and believe that the bond can survive whatever challenges we may face?

Divisive diversity

Robert D. Putnam, a distinguished political scientist and Carter administration official, waited for five years to release his research findings that ethnic diversity decreases trust and co-operation in communities.



In the presence of [ethnic] diversity, we hunker down. We act like turtles. The effect of diversity
is worse than had been imagined. And it’s not just that we don’t trust
people who are not like us. In diverse communities, we don’t trust
people who do look like us.

—Harvard professor Robert D. Putnam

Could this American research apply to multicultural Singapore? Perhaps the overarching "Asian" identity helps to overcome our cultural biases. Using English as the common and neutral language almost certainly helped. Still, Professor Putnam does make some strong arguments.

Steve Sailer's article in "The American Conservative" also has some politically incorrect observations on trust and how its built. Not easily.

Fragmented Future

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Theism and its antonym.

Strangely enough, the antonym of theism is a-theism. So, the religious and their leaders should try to understand clearly what "theism" means, especially to themselves, before they get too excited at "a-theist" arguments.



Of those who seem not conventionally religious or attracted to organized religions, many would deny accusations of being irreligious. They aren't, and religous leaders could, with mutual increases in understanding, make more serious attempts at dialogue with prominent atheists like Daniel Dennet and Richard Dawkins.



On Faith: John Shelby Spong: Human Definitions of God Need Revision



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